Marriage was
designed by God. Then, why do so many marriage
relationships go steadily downhill to ultimate destruction
and ruin? I believe it is because before marriage, many couples
never made in their hearts certain foundational commitments that can
strengthen
and sustain marriages for this life we are called to live
in. In many
more cases the couple arrive in marriage as non-
Christian, and fail
to adjust their thinking AFTER they receive Jesus Christ
as their
Savior. We read secular and non-secular reports that link
the failure
of marriages to money, sex, children or that old-time
favorite of the
world - incompatibility! What most us fail to look at is
that these
problems are only symptoms for the real failure.
In a recent "ordeal" that I found I had
subjected myself to in my
marriage, I found myself talking with many couples, and
found that
they have not developed one or more of ten basic
commitments, which I have just recently found in my own life. I observed that
the majority
of these couples were destined or were now experiencing
severe
difficulties that should never need come up. Husbands and
wives need
to grow into these commitments as the need for them
becomes clear
through the teaching of the Holy Spirit. But God in His
wisdom
granted that you should be reading this or hearing this at
a time that
the Spirit has appointed for you to hear or read.
Most couples didn't fully understand these godly concepts
before
they got married. Many don't take the time to understand
them, now.
These ten commitments, which must be made in the heart -
for the heart is "the wellspring of life" (Proverbs
4:23) - and by faith, since faith is the only way to please God (Hebrews 11:6), are as
follows
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COMMITMENT #1
To Commit your marriage and your family to the Lord Jesus
Christ.
Many marriages begin with a vow to be under the authority
of God, but then fail to follow the promises on this vow and
others that the marriage vow ask. We are to make a decision and commit our
family to
God in a deep and meaningful way. "Choose ye this day
whom ye will
serve, but for me and my house - we will serve the
Lord." (Joshua 24:15). Only by having Him as the head of both husband and
wife will the marriage prosper.
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COMMITMENT #2:
To grow in Christ for the Rest of My Life. Not every Christian has decided to "grow in the grace
andknowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (II
Peter 3:18).Instead, Christians often think that they have already
arrived or that there is "nothing wrong with me." There is
nothing wrong with a two year old acting like a two year old, but the child should
eventually
grow out of that behavior. In the same way, none of us has
matured enough that our present state should be classified
"mature" we are only able to be "maturing." We must seek growth.
We must seek to grow. The result of a lifetime commitment to growth in
Christ is that we become more mature in every area of life.
In marriage, which demands increasing maturity in
character, responsibility, and wisdom, non-growing Christians cannot
make it. Their pride will not allow them to accept the learning,
correction,
rebukes, and questions that require them to humble
themselves. Only
an open and teachable person can develop the
characteristics needed to
make a good marriage partner.
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COMMITMENT #3:
To stay committed to my marriage for life, and to work to
solve all problems that arise.
This commitment provides the security of permanence and
keeps us from running away from problems. Either we face up to them
and solve them, or we live with them.
Christians and Christian leaders are part of the climbing
divorce rate in our society, but God still requires faithfulness
to our marriage vows (Malachi 2:14). He declares, "I Hate
Divorce"
(Verse 16). Does this enslave me as a Christian? No! Instead it gives
security in the midst of a world in which "you will
have trouble," as Christ stated (John 16:33). And, it means living in hope
that no problem is too great to be solved.
God is working in marriage to fulfill His own desires as
well as all married Christians. He is "seeking godly
offspring" (Malachi
2:15) from our homes, and therefore He requires
faithfulness in marriage.
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COMMITMENT #4:
To be faithful to my mate in both mind and action.
Unfaithful actions can be headed off by commitment to
think romantically ONLY about the husband or wife. (Matthew
5:28).
To decide, "My mate is the only one I will allow
myself to think about in this way" will cut
off a lot of problems
before they begin. The result in marriage will be a greater level of mutual
trust.
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COMMITMENT #5:
To practice and allow to be practiced the "help
meet" of Genesis. Mankind has heaped years and years of garbage upon the
alter of marriage by downgrading the role of the woman in marriage.
Many women have allowed themselves to live under these conditions in
the interest of peace, Mostly to no avail.
God created woman to complete man, which transmits the
idea that man was lacking in some areas, and this lacking has
existed since man began and continues today. Too many men refuse to accept
this gift from God for completion and "macho" it out
trying to be all capable and "support the little lady!" Well, God, in His
wisdom set a wife on the life of a husband to allow them to be presented to Him
as "One Flesh" and complete in their TOGETHERNESS!
This does not mean that a wife simply takes orders - it
means that SOMETIMES she is the ONLY messenger God has to get
through some thick skulls of some husbands. The wife must be able to
deliver
rebuke, reproof and exhortation in accordance with the
leading of the Holy Spirit; However, it is IMPORTANT that the wife
recognize that her responsibility ENDS when she delivers the message! God has
ordained that the Husband be the head of the family - not the
dictator - the HEAD "just as Christ is the head of the church"
and with the same servant manner and sacrificial attitudes of the Lord Jesus
Christ! When the husband has COMPLETELY lived up to the standards
set by God, THEN he can dictate! Until then God has seen fit to have
another person come along side and travel the road of life with
him, and he had better listen to what she says. Most of the time she
can be the KEY to success and failure to listen can result in
failure. The wife must realize that she is commanded to obey her
husband.
Not blindly, but in accordance with the Word of God. God
has set up a plan for marriage and families and the plan works to the
good of those who follow the precepts, and disaster results in straying
from the plan. The wife should OFFER her advice and admonitions in
LOVE and not in confrontation. Communicate to him in the same
manner as God
communicates to you, with overwhelming Love - AGAPE love!
If the husband wants to do something you don't really care to do,
and it is not against the laws of God, then God asks that you follow
your husband. (I Corinthians 11:3)! If you follow his request
just as you
would follow the request of Jesus Christ, then you will be
blessed in ways that you never thought possible. Trust in the Lord.
COMMITMENT #6:
To communicate - NO MATTER WHAT! Most people learn not to reveal many of their thoughts and
feelings because these are personal and so easily judged
by others -
"You shouldn't feel that way." This fear of
judgment from others brings about an attitude of "I'll never mentions that
again." But just as nothing can separate us from the Love of
Christ
(Romans 8:35-39), so nothing should stop us from
communicating in marriage; silence, tears,
explosions of anger, defiance,
defensiveness, the children, or lack of time.
This is a commitment to communicate not just facts and
accomplishments, but feelings, thoughts, problems, and
failures. Both the positive and the negatives in our lives need
expression.
COMMITMENT #7:
To be a Servant God created both men and women to be servants of God, of
each
other, and of their neighbors. The husband and wife are
equal in
dignity and worth, and work together as "joint heirs
of the grace of
life" (I Peter 3:7,RSV) to achieve common goals.
Yet each fulfills different roles. The husband takes
responsibility as the leader in the marriage (I
Corinthians 11:3), but his success begins and ends with a servant's attitude.
A
willingness
to serve each other will bring about mutual dependence and
appreciation.
COMMITMENT #8:
To assume in everything that my mate's intentions are
good.
We are told not to impute evil to God (James 1:13), and in
marriage we are likewise to assume the best about our
partner's
intentions. Some of our mate's actions may not seem to be
good, but
we must believe that the intent was good.
Let us give our wife/husband the benefit of the doubt. He
or she
may be immature in some ways and may act out of jealousy
or revenge-
but even these are cries for help. By avoiding the
accusations, each of us will have far less grounds for conflicts and hurt
feelings.
COMMITMENT #9:
To forgive and forget the transgressions of our mates.
The hardest act for a human to do is admit to a wrong and
ask
forgiveness. To be met with a list of acts of contrition
that must be followed before forgiveness is "granted" creates
a schism in the very foundation of marriage. To compound this error by
"dredging up past offenses" is a direct sin against the very Word of
God when God tells us to keep "no record of wrongs" (I Corinthians
13:5). This sin is not reserved for any single partner - it is practiced by
both. It is sin. It is to be confessed and repented and washed from
us. Then the
healing of God's power will be able to be received!
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COMMITMENT #10:
LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
It may seem strange that I make this the last of the
commitments,
yet it has been the critical facet of each of the previous
nine. The "norm" heard in the divorce courts is
"I just don't feel any love for ..... anymore!" The world teaching is that
Love is a feeling. The Bible tells us that Love is a verb - an
ACTION. We are not called to "feel" love, we are
COMMANDED to LOVE! We are to love our spouse, and sometimes we must love them in
spite of our "feelings" and "please God and not man
(ourselves)"(Acts 4:19).
We must commit all the other nine commitments in our heart
and attach this tenth one to every one of the other nine. Only by His
power can we join the Lord when He told us to "be of good cheer
for I have overcome the world" and we need so much to be
overcomers.
Allow the world and our own families see the Rock that our lives CAN
be founded
on. Let us enjoy the life "and life more
abundantly" by following the plan that God laid out for us in His Word, The plan that
many times counters our own plan because it requires the Lordship of
Jesus Christ
and not ourselves. It requires that a husband Serve his
wife! It
requires that we ALL have the servant nature that sees us
washing feet
in the spiritual manner that Jesus provided such a
physical example
of. Let us each ask our spouse the simple question that
can very well blow our present "ship" out of the water of the
world and settle us on a Rock, the Rock of Jesus Christ. That question is
"What are your
REAL needs and how do you think I could be more able to
supply them?"
BY: BLC
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